Here's a spoiler:

I skipped to the end of "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

The answer? A houseful of stuff.

Birth class

I'm still waiting on the final grade, but I think my wife and I passed our birthing class.

I took copious notes. Here are the most important things I learned:

• Videos featuring the "miracle of life" miraculously suck the life out of me.
• Women featured in these videos have not discovered the "miracle of hair maintenance"
• It is impossible not to want to know the stories behind all of the other couples in the class.
• The class will calm your fears one minute, then induce a panic attack the next.
  
• Most women poop during labor and delivery.
  
• There's a doctor in Findlay, Ohio, that reminds me of Will Forte.
  
• Parents, with their doctor's permission, have videotaped the events that unfold in the Maternity Ward.
  
• Sadly, this videotaping is not limited to the birth. Some folks have recorded the circumcision. What the what?
  
• Seriously, though...people have recorded their child's circumcision. On purpose.
  

I guess the good thing to know is that, one way or another, sooner (ideally) or later, the baby is coming out.

Formulaic Dadness

"You're going to be a great dad!"

I'm not sure why people say that to me...maybe it'll be the agility at which I can change a diaper, or how well I'll be able to kill spiders.

So, I got to thinking....what makes up a great dad?

Here's my formula:

12% Henry Spencer from Psych (for his ability to always be one step ahead of his son)
13% John Kinsella from Field of Dreams (for the having a catch with son)
10% Jim Halpert from The Office (mostly because he's awesome)
16% Clark W. Griswold from National Lampoon's Vacation (mainly for ability to burst out into song during long car trip)
14% Glenn Holland from Mr. Holland's Opus (for his ability to appreciate the abilities of his son)
20% Cliff Huxtable from The Cosby Show (for the way he loves his wife, setting a great relationship role-model for their children)
5% Hank Hill from King of the Hill (for his knowledge on propane, and propane accessories)
10% Howard Cunningham from Happy Days (he wears cardigans)

There's the perfect dad.

Or, more succinctly, I should've given this formula:

100% My Dad (for his knowledge of propane...the way he loves my mom...for his bursting-into-song ability...for all of the things that the fictional dads listed above are...)


I hope that I'm as good of a fatherly role model for my son as my dad was for me.

Preview

"PREGNANT"

One word appeared on a stick. A stick with pee on it.

From that point, life changed. A lot.


This blog, inspired by FKS, Babyhood, and Away We Go, will be my attempt to make sense out of the pregnanthood and parenthood that has become my life.

I encourage you to join me on this journey.