Back on track

Sorry about that last post. Plinko means well, but she needs to know she was out of line. I'm impressed with her typing abilities, though.

And if anyone else hijacks the blog, they'll receive the same reprimand as Plinko...and I don't think any of you will enjoy a shower of fine mist from a spray bottle.


Our son is officially a 21st Century child: He has his own Twitter account. He plans to tweet whatever he is thinking about. Check him out @thedudegarvin


One more quick thought today: My wife's body was able to house a child for nine months, allow said child to vacate the premises, clean up after the child, and now, she feeds the child. This is a new trick that her body kept hidden for the first 26 years of life.

The only new trick my body unveils is sprouting unwanted hair in weird places.

Totally not fair.

Demoted

Hey, y'all...Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Plinko. I'm the cat. I've taken over this blog for a little while to meow my displeasure about the events that have taken place at my house over the last three months.

I've been demoted.

I used to be the queen of the castle. Now, I'm not really a big deal. They call me a big sister...but, um, let's be honest....I'm a cat, and I'm not related to that kid at all.

I mean, he's cute, and stuff...but he's not me. Let's compare:

• I poop and pee in a box, and I have enough courtesy to bury it after I'm done. He does his business in his pants, and expects the humans to clean up.
  
• I don't cry. Ever. Sometimes I meow or purr. This kid? Cries all the freakin time!
  
• I sleep whenever I want to. He, on the other hand, does not sleep whenever I want him to.
  
• I eat my food out of a bowl. He eats his out of a, ummm...how do I say this politely?...umm, he eats his food out of a...well, let's move on.
  
• All of my toys fit nicely into one small box. All of his toys fit nicely into one Grand Canyon.
  
• I give myself baths. In fact, just before blogging, I licked my butt. This kid, though, requires water, soap, a tub, and supervision while bathing. And he can't lick his butt.
  
• My tail is in the back. His is in the front.
  

There are a number of additional reasons while, I, Plinko Wink Garvin, am far superior to my little brother. I don't expect you to care, but if you stop by house, throw a little love my way.

If you're lucky, I'll show you how to lick your butt.

Here's the thing....

Thanks to a busy schedule and an overall feeling of laziness, I haven't blogged in a long time. For this, I am not sorry. Well, maybe just a little sorry. I mean, sort of sorry, I guess. You know what? No...I'm not sorry.

We're two and a half months in. He lets us think we have him on a routine....diaper change and PJs on at 10pm, a big bottle....and he's down for the night. Down for most nights, I suppose. We've had some 8 hour nights and some 4 hour nights (and by we, I mean my wife).


What I've discovered over the last 2.5 months is that I have an overwhelming desire to tell everyone how awesome my son is, and why he is so perfect. And there are so many opportunities to call attention to a child (especially one as saint-like as The Dude). With this whole "Internet" thing taking off, informing the world that your offspring is certifiably cute is about as simple as can be.

Now, there are these "Beautiful Baby" Contests....a proud mom or dad (okay, but really, mom) posts a few pictures of Junior, and hopes that a ton of people vote for them.

Mom, Dad, and Junior get their hundred votes of fame....mostly from their friends and family....but they won't win the contest. Why? Because every baby is cute! It's impossible to produce a non-cute child. Being cute is the key to their survival. No one would put up with the mustard-diapers, spit up, and crying if it wasn't for the 45 minutes of precious each day.

Here's the thing....the only winner? The TV Station hosting the "contest." They get 10,000 people clicking onto their website each day, allowing them to make lots of money in ad revenue.

I'm not saying that people shouldn't enter these contests. I'm just saying that parents of infants need [people to acknowledge our child. We're knee deep in poop. We think our kid is perfect...but it's nice to hear it from others. Throw us a bone. These contests are just like posting pictures or updating a status on Facebook....validate us! Let us know that our kid is the best!

Thus -- I will continue to post pictures, update my Facebook status, and bore co-workers to death with stories. For this, I am not sorry. Well, maybe just a little sorry. I mean, sort of sorry, I guess. You know what? No...I'm not sorry.